get real

hsu wei lun

2007-01-30T10:17:00.000+08:00

she died.
for those who are so pathetic that they are betting using the numbers that they get from her tod and dod, you deserve to die more.

benji

2006-12-02T13:23:00.000+08:00

benji..
a shichi..
hybrid of chihuahua and chih tzu..
i will miss you knocking at the door late at nite juz to get in..
i will miss catching the fleas on your body..
i will miss you chasing the car whenever we are leaving..
i will miss you sleeping ever so soundly on the carpet..
your legs pointing at the sky..
your panting that sounds like a clickle..
your excitement at the sight of KFC..
your licking all over me..
your funny look after a visit at e grooming centre..
your innocent eyes staring at me..
u muz be in pain when the car hit you..
did u had a premonition?
unable to eat anythg for two days b4 tragedy struck.
on e way to the vet holding the last breath..
you muz have felt awful..
cuz you did nt make it there in time..
why muz the vet be so far away..
forgive the person that banged you..
she loved you too..
it was all but an accident..
you will forever be remembered when i opened the fridge and i saw a can of sirloin steak, the disinfectant to kill e fleas and the perfume that you used..
long b4 u realized,
you r oredi a member of the house
Mr Benji Ng..
Rest in peace brother..

life and death

2006-08-04T15:53:00.000+08:00

when a person is alive, we fail to notice her presence.
but when the person is no longer there, we start to regret and miss her.

i wana cry, wista cry, but since that day onwards, i forget how to anymore..
lost the way to vent frustrations..

was happy everyday, but i dunno wads so happy
under that super high exterior is a little girl who has forgotten how to cry..

so many things, so many obstacles..
after maneuvoring thru so many hurdles, there bound to be a time where she will fall..
crashing into the hard solid lead..

pain.. something so frequent its nth new anymre..
blood.. no longer threatens her..
bruise.. she had more scars..

to cry is a blessing..
u can show how u feel..

the worst thg in lifr is not being able to express how u feel
not noeing how u feel..

the unknown..

my fren.. cherish crying.. for i no longer noe how to..

2006-07-25T23:40:00.000+08:00

dunno wad to write.. juz one of those days where i'm down ba..
hmmm maybe outta e 365 days, i'll be down for 364.5 days? hahah.. dunno..
but nvm.. sick le.. haix as pple grow old, some thgs do catch up huh?

hmmm when u r motivated to do sth, these injuries and ailments can be pushed aside temporarily..

but they do accummulate u noe.. so weird.. n it will grow so big till u dun hav much strength to push it aside anymore...

everythg simply goes outta control i guess...

hmm... interesting..

i am a INFP

2006-07-21T22:24:00.000+08:00

vaness ask me take the test and i gt INFP. previously was ENTJ. what a huge change..

The Idealist

INFPs, more than other iNtuitive Feeling types, are focused on making the world a better place for people. Their primary goal is to find out their meaning in life. What is their purpose? How can they best serve humanity in their lives? They are idealists and perfectionists, who drive themselves hard in their quest for achieving the goals they have identified for themselves

INFPs are highly intuitive about people. They rely heavily on their intuitions to guide them, and use their discoveries to constantly search for value in life. They are on a continuous mission to find the truth and meaning underlying things. Every encounter and every piece of knowledge gained gets sifted through the INFP's value system, and is evaluated to see if it has any potential to help the INFP define or refine their own path in life. The goal at the end of the path is always the same - the INFP is driven to help people and make the world a better place.

Generally thoughtful and considerate, INFPs are good listeners and put people at ease. Although they may be reserved in expressing emotion, they have a very deep well of caring and are genuinely interested in understanding people. This sincerity is sensed by others, making the INFP a valued friend and confidante. An INFP can be quite warm with people he or she knows well.

INFPs do not like conflict, and go to great lengths to avoid it. If they must face it, they will always approach it from the perspective of their feelings. In conflict situations, INFPs place little importance on who is right and who is wrong. They focus on the way that the conflict makes them feel, and indeed don't really care whether or not they're right. They don't want to feel badly. This trait sometimes makes them appear irrational and illogical in conflict situations. On the other hand, INFPs make very good mediators, and are typically good at solving other people's conflicts, because they intuitively understand people's perspectives and feelings, and genuinely want to help them.

INFPs are flexible and laid-back, until one of their values is violated. In the face of their value system being threatened, INFPs can become aggressive defenders, fighting passionately for their cause. When an INFP has adopted a project or job which they're interested in, it usually becomes a "cause" for them. Although they are not detail-oriented individuals, they will cover every possible detail with determination and vigor when working for their "cause".
When it comes to the mundane details of life maintenance, INFPs are typically completely unaware of such things. They might go for long periods without noticing a stain on the carpet, but carefully and meticulously brush a speck of dust off of their project booklet.

INFPs do not like to deal with hard facts and logic. Their focus on their feelings and the Human Condition makes it difficult for them to deal with impersonal judgment. They don't understand or believe in the validity of impersonal judgment, which makes them naturally rather ineffective at using it. Most INFPs will avoid impersonal analysis, although some have developed this ability and are able to be quite logical. Under stress, it's not uncommon for INFPs to mis-use hard logic in the heat of anger, throwing out fact after (often inaccurate) fact in an emotional outburst.

INFPs have very high standards and are perfectionists. Consequently, they are usually hard on themselves, and don't give themselves enough credit. INFPs may have problems working on a project in a group, because their standards are likely to be higher than other members' of the group. In group situations, they may have a "control" problem. The INFP needs to work on balancing their high ideals with the requirements of every day living. Without resolving this conflict, they will never be happy with themselves, and they may become confused and paralyzed about what to do with their lives.

INFPs are usually talented writers. They may be awkard and uncomfortable with expressing themselves verbally, but have a wonderful ability to define and express what they're feeling on paper. INFPs also appear frequently in social service professions, such as counselling or teaching. They are at their best in situations where they're working towards the public good, and in which they don't need to use hard logic.

INFPs who function in their well-developed sides can accomplish great and wonderful things, which they will rarely give themselves credit for. Some of the great, humanistic catalysts in the world have been INFPs.

INFP Strengths

Most INFPs will exhibit the following strengths with regards to relationship issues:

Warmly concerned and caring towards others
Sensitive and perceptive about what others are feeling
Loyal and committed - they want lifelong relationships
Deep capacity for love and caring
Driven to meet other's needs
Strive for "win-win" situations
Nurturing, supportive and encouraging
Likely to recognize and appreciate other's need for space
Able to express themselves well
Flexible and diverse

INFP Weaknesses

Most INFPs will exhibit the following weaknesses with regards to relationship issues:

May tend to be shy and reserved
Don't like to have their "space" invaded
Extreme dislike of conflict
Extreme dislike of criticism
Strong need to receive praise and positive affirmation
May react very emotionally to stressful situations
Have difficulty leaving a bad relationship
Have difficulty scolding or punishing others
Tend to be reserved about expressing their feelings
Perfectionistic tendancies may cause them to not give themselves enough credit
Tendency to blame themselves for problems, and hold everything on their own shoulders

saranghaeyo

2006-07-12T17:05:00.000+08:00

sth which i wish to put behind me
sth which i've neva wanted to face
or hear...
juz dun let it get close to me..
its a form of escape
wonder how long more can i escape..
izit true aft a while
u wud have gotten so used to escaping
that nth seems to have happen at all..
bt its nt possible...
cuz i c u in sch everyday..
even if i dun want to..
i still do..
told myself its okay
psycho myself into believing that it was nth..
everythg is over..
bt yet in my heart...
i cant get over it..
when i c u, my heart aches..
really badly..
a sad feeling washed over me..
at that split second, nth cums to my mind except saranghaeyo...

germans juggernauts!

2006-07-01T01:52:00.000+08:00

hahha germany won 4-2 on penalties! so sad case la..wanted argentina to win. hmm bt jose pekerman is one snubbish fellow. substituting riquelme, crespo, nt putting saviola. dunno wad e hell he tinking la! sianx.. too cocky le la.. i shd be e coach! hahah jking... bt yupx germs r thru.. they will continue to spread e virus ard.. hahah bt hey ayala's goal so cool la! horizontally aerial goal! whoa! total insult to germans lor. they r supposed to be tall n stuff? e least of e goals shd come fr headers lor.. bt its okay.. over le.. i found a new hero tho.. miroslav klose.. hehe even his name sounds cool.. bt yupx a striker deadly w his head.. hehheh tink he n ronaldo can fite for e golden boot le.. he on a 5 le.. hahah add another 5 mre ba.. double figs r nicer..

hmmm juz sm hrs ago omoz e whole team went to celebrate chichi's bdae which is today! happy bdae chi!=) yupx gt a shock la.. stupid huan call me at 3 plus n juz go.. wth.. bt very long neva meet w them le.. hehe was so glad to see all e j2s there.. as usual, bickering abt dumb stuff.. saw peisee b4 that.. whoa like seeing a mother liddat.. she owayz gave me a ma ma kind of feeling.. so comfy n protected under her.. hahah.. tink i scare her today tho.. oops sorry.. yupx den went kbox.. hahah damn funi la.. chichi pick some chi or wadeva dialect oldies.. so dumb.. n yupx ew were on a high! jumping, screaming, huan n me even tried acting macho.. which was so screwed.. hehe.. den j1s came join us awhile to cut e cake.. haha smashed it onto chichi's face.. n she was wearing make up.. omg! oops sorri.. hahah den they left except sunlu.. started competing in pairs n its juz so dumb.. bt e climax.. hahah we were all standing on e couch n singing when e door sud open.. every1 started sitting down omoz immediately except sandy! hahaha she was so malu la.. we were laughing like siao.. bt hey its fun.. hao jiu mei zhe me wan le.. n w huan n joei these 2 siao ones plus a stupid mary.. hahah ultimate. wad can i say? j2s rock! hahah.

hmmm appreciated wad they doing today tho.. its chi's bdae la bt they were all like accommodating n accompanying me.. like hey jas wan sing wad song. hey dun anti social lehx. come sit w us. hmm small gestures bt it showed alot.. they oso omit sad songs n sang those super high de.. thx guys.. u all rock. really. every single 1 of u. my ma owayz say play ball those frens season finish jiu no toking le la. bt hey thats nt true.. i believe fate brought us tgt w a common ability, a common gift. that is basketball. basketball was wad started us bt it will never end us.. there r still so many thgs besides bball that we can share abt ba.. friendship.. bonding.. all these cant be taken away simply like e season.. it is etched there..

i give my thanks n am contented. man owayz lament its nt enuf. bt when we look ard us, we act have mre den enuf. if u cherish.

exams

2006-06-26T22:51:00.000+08:00

mid yrs is gone le ba... hmmm so damn affected.. till i dun wista do ath le.. izit really juz a phase? i duno.. it's hard to pass.. dats all i noe.. suffocating until u cant breathe.. owayz caught in e dilemma.. dun wista go to sch cuz i cant face that sm1.. juz seein e name appear on msn made me sign off omoz immediately.. my heart dropped.. i was angry, upset n depressed all at one go.. upset cuz of e thgs i had done, depressed cuz i cant face sm1 anymre, angry cuz i dun like myself to be liddat.. its weak behavior n weak is not supposed to exist in my dictionary.

all probs r caused by man themselves ba.. if only... so oftenly used till it have lost its value.. man abuse this word to comfort themselves for whatever regrets they have..

i dun wanna be weak, dun wanna escape.. bt yet i cant help it..

i had the courage to own up all e wrong i had done.. believe me it is nt ez... imagine telling sm1 u punch her bro.. e regret n guilt deep inside can only be masked n nt spoken out cuz u dun even deserve a chance to show ur feelings.. u despair, u lose urself in e murmurs of the background, gradually fading away, losing e value of even existing.. wad does this lead to? death.. cuz u see no point living anymre.. u r insignificant n e only time u r significant, u created an impact e wrong way.. u hurt sm1.. man r selfish.. i was selfish once.. i regret it cuz it was at e expense of sm1's feelings.. neva wanted it to be that way bt thgs juz went out of control.. i'm very sorry.. bt simply sorry cant explain e pain i'm experiencing..

seriously i tot of suicide, bt when i look at e people ard me, i cant do it. i'm like living for them rite nw. dragging myself even tho i wista stop.. i cant bear to see them be sad for sm1 so undeserving like me.. miss peisee,daph, xueqin suddenly.. they were like big sisters to me.. peisee.. toking to me at e grandstand aft every trg cuz i despair.. noticing smthg is wrong w me when others tink i'm fine.. it is e eye contact.. e bond is unique.. e eye speaks wad is deep inside.. daph.. owayz there to care.. xueqin.. so long neva tok to her le..jen n ness r by my side n i appreciate that.. bt juz cant be weak in front of them ba.. bt can be true tho.. i dunno.. n yuhuan n xiaohei.. haiz i dunno wad to say.. lucky still gt tong in class.. i wana pass this phase!

give me courage once agn to face up. to e reality of life.. i was wrong, i hurt sm1, bt in e process, i hurt myself even mre cuz sm1 was sm1 i cared.. e pain is a lot worse than if sm1 hurt me.. i duno wad i want nw.. maybe be vulnerable to e outside world bt i want to be e jasmine i am proud of once agn.. e jasmine who help w/o selfish gains, e jasmine who can heal, nt hurt..

chance........ e last chance...

wo shi ge huai ren

2006-06-22T22:24:00.000+08:00

when i say that, pls dun doubt me. cuz i really am. i'm frustrated, upset n xintong for that person i've hurt so deeply. juz wth came over me i oso dunno bt jiu feel like killing myself ba. how can i actually lie to her?! i seldom lie bt in e span of 2 mths, i actually lie more than i did for the whole of my 17 plus yrs. hmmmm hate myself alot nw. dun deserve anyone's pity, consoling or wad so ever. cuz i'm a sinner. even if others can forgive me, i can never forgive myself. never ever. all those are excuses to ease my sins abit but the fact is i actually lied! ahhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! god help me..........................

i've grown up

2006-06-16T23:07:00.000+08:00

kkay noe i haven updated 4 a v long time. hmmm in msia nw.. nth much to do here except watching world cup! hahah argentina juz thrash s&m 6-0!!!! whoa was tinking 8 goals bt yupx beta than nth.. haha was telling my bro maybe messi will score the 6th one cuz his presence brot on so much life in e second half.. heex n he did! yay! hmmm bt i tink man of match shd go to saviola or sorin. both of them rock la. juz their skills alone.. hmmm riquelme had a quiet day tho, bt yupx given space, we sw wad he can do. waha. so cool...maybe this yr, argentina may nick it aft all.. hahah world cup.. with an inflated combi of sorin n messi (ahem i mean maradonna) dancing n cheering his way thru e whole thing. yupx bt he tot us sth tho... loving e game n having e passion 4 it doesnt mean we hafta be e ones playing it.. like nw season over le, bt if we really like bball, bball will neva be totally detached from the lives of all bballers ba.. the power of the game.. never underestimate it.

hmm kkay soccer fin.. nw nba! my life.. hehe miami drew back! waha they finally found form! held nowitski to 2-14 shooting.. wa damn lousy la.. heheh bt yay series tied at 2-2! hmmm gt more to watch le.. tink miami will win.. bt who noes.. if shaq continue his horrendous n disgusting missed free throws, he mite juz gave the whole game away..

hmmm end of sports commentary.. yupx bt to my life... why do i say i've grown up? i oso dunno.. nope its i dun wanna say.. bt ya learn sth ba.. that is as long as person learn to be contented w what they have, they will be happy n i mean genuinely happy more often ba. pple nowadays r juz nt contented w wad they have.. gone r the days where we will be contented w wad they have. perhaps thats life nw ba. we r moving so fast towards e extent we neglected n failed to cherish wad we have.. sth that is all along juz beside us all e time. kept wanting e impossible, unreachables.only when we lose it, den we realise wad difference that person or that thg makes in our lives.. often it is too late le ba.

i'm a weird person bt i've learn to be contented. dun ask for much in life. as long as everyone is happy, even if i hafta suffer abit, i'll still be willing.. hmmm dunno wad i'm toking le. i'm nt a saint bt i cant explain y i feel this way. i keep thgs to myself, may be secretive on the outside. bt those who really know me, understand me will know i have no ill intentions or wanna harm others for my own gain wad so eva. juz dun like to tok, dun like to explain, dun like to care that much.. bt if someone is nid of help, i'll be there. i may nt be e best person bt at least i listen.. e basic respect ba.. ahh!!!! duno wad i toking le... dun care abt this para pls... sianx.. dun wan write le.. ciao

so long yet time passes like it doesnt matter

2006-05-26T16:50:00.000+08:00

wa gt omoz 4 mths din blog le ba.. bz w e season, rushing of hmwk n yupx meetings w frens..
hehe one moz impt return i gt is getting to noe chichi beta ba.. hmmm las yr we din tok alot.. bt this yr, it's different. hahhaha jiu tok alot these days lor.. hehe maybe cuz we dealing w e same kind of thgs, so gt lotsa thgs to share w one another ba.. haa duno.. hmm all ican say is in these short span of 4 mths, i learn alot. learn to let go, learn to grow up, learn to accept the way thgs. bt! if there's sth out there worthy to be fought for, i will nt accept fate. neva.

SMILEX

2006-02-21T13:38:00.000+08:00

wa kao, so long neva blog le.. hahah no time! hmmm nw in e library slacking... so sianx! hmmm these days quite slack le lor.. everyday no hmwk.. hahah nt exactly no la, juz cum sch jiu you. kkay y am i crapping here ne? cuz I"M BORED!
hmmm trgs these days quite okay. not v tough. bt dunno y, i still haf lotsa injuries. so sianx. n this time, its nt e mentality le! my mental quite strong le lor. so Y? y? y? yay bt e j2s n j1s beginning to look like a team on court le. maybe nt there yet, bt gt sm shape le. so happy! e nxt event moz prob is e camp le ba.. bt my bro ownself at hm, haix. maybe cannt stay overnite le. =( argh!
n kei! if u r reading this, juz wad e hell is wrong w u lar? i noe u so long, u noe joycelin so short, hw can u all paka den talk among urselves. cope my photo smmre! u idiot! dun fren u le. hw can liddat 1. nw still wan me be ur postman. go n die lar! hahah xiaoxin i open ur letter lor! muahahah i'm so clever. bt nah, i wun feel gd.. so lucky u! kan zai wo jiang hao de fen shang, tell me lehx! pls? joycelin another idiot! u all two all baichis! hahah jk...
wadeva. tired le. ciao!

bitches r owayz bitches.. unless they change sex(character)

2006-01-30T22:26:00.000+08:00

bitches...
y r they owayz looking for guys to cling themselves onto? r they despo to such extent? those poor guys r e victims regardless of however innocent or flirt they are. shit them lar. doing all kinds of thgs juz to gain pity. ditching one boat 4 another, juz to show peepx that they r wanted. fuck them lar.

***

2006-01-28T19:04:00.000+08:00

wa kao, so long neva blog oredi. haha accumulate dust le.. hmm this whole mth totally no time to blog la. haha. nw is e cny period. saw every1 stocking up cny thgs den everywhere oso queue, queue n more queueing! wth. haha. hmmm bt this mth pass really fast, like din do anythg much lor. haha so stupid. e worse thg is hafta do econs, phys hmwk. sianx lor. in malaysia nw,. so tiring. bt its hard to do hmwk here lar, w all e pple n stuff. guess i hafta leave to e last day to pia e essays le. n i tink wed go back to sch jiu hav trg le! its so damn freaking tiring. kept running n running. hafta at least shave time everytime or maintain. bt its all worth it! for bbal! e's juniors r gd too, so its fun! muahahah. this coming fri is xcountry le. yay 3105 no nid to run! hahah. so shuang. hmmm too tired to write anymore le. ciao!

long days

2006-01-12T22:08:00.000+08:00

hmmm dunno whether my body is getting fr bad to worse or wad. these days juz dun feel too good. maybe cuz of e long days ba. body abit chi bu siao. juz realised netball was fun ytd! haha played 4 a while. abit weird weird de, bt it was fun. hmmm ytd carnival we recruit around 5 peepx excluding those 7. chichi was saying we oredi kicking peepx out le still ask pple join. like last yr, this yr gt 13 agn. only 12 will get in... haix e tortures of reality. limin kinda like ren ting she will go out le. y muz liddat? so no confidence. muz perserve! i believe every1 stands a equal chance. today is a v v v v v long day...... zzzzzzzzzzzz.... really can slp ar. so sianx. so long! dun tok abt it le. hmmm dunno y, bt when i'm w e team, it juz feels so rite. maybe cuz every1 same wavelength ba. haha no bridge in between. its owayz laughter, laughter n more laughter. even if gt probs, will sort it out in e end de. n if sm1 gt prob, e whole team will support her immediately. i love my team! muahahha.

sm issues.. here n there..

2006-01-05T19:20:00.000+08:00

i am tired. period. wad else can i say? hmmm nt angry, juz frustrated at hw thgs r turning out. these few days when i gt hm, juz felt a surge of tiredness.. coming down so hard on me.. my whole body aches, my hands .. guess i was wrong. i'm nt tough. i'm useless.. i dunno wad i'm saying le. i dun mind losing, bt losing w/o a fight.. thats nt me.. dun like dat feeling at all. maybe i'm juz tired, maybe when this wk passes, i'll be fine soon.. i dun wan to be e class leader le.. sounds irresponsible huh? maybe it's juz a fleeting tot. it'll be gone soon. i'm glad e klas is cooperating, maybe i juz tried too hard, maybe i'm demandin.. maybe.. maybe wad? neva feel so dejected b4.. damn it.

或许是真的累了。毕竟我只是人。当人觉得自己没有依靠的时候，往往会失去意志力和希望。

new start

2006-01-03T20:02:00.000+08:00

today is e 1st day of sch. haha finalkly senior le, c so many j1s comin in all kinds of uniforms. so weird. saw peijin. gt a shock lor, y come here. turn out to be another nj reject.. haix.. saw rachel too, din get to tok to her tho.hmmm today is a pure hectic day. i'm e only klas leader in e klas, hafta run here n there. sianx. kh! come back soon hor! haha bt quite fun la. saw xq today. hmm she n mel like siao ting dong, walk around sch n went FAR use comp n slack lor. they left at 1215 la! e timetable is kinda long la. so many homework to catch up. damn it. e new principal quite nice la. hw to say ne? nvm. when boarding train, i saw mayi! haha still as siao. i stare at her, she stare at me... den hey! den i board e train le. muahah. i muz put down n past n chong xin zuo ren! e prob is zai zhe me nu li, wo jiu shi fang bu xia. damn it.

2006

2006-01-02T20:28:00.000+08:00

hmph frm any angle c this no. juz doesnt seem nice.. so many thgs happen in 2005. hopefully, thgs will be beta this yr.
1st: my family members r all in gd health n dat nth happens to them.
2nd: if anythg were to happen, juz let it happen to me, i'm no saint bt i'm tough.
3rd: get into e bball finals (its my final yr le. hopefully can achieve smthg unexpected w this team)
4th: i'm able to work hard enough to get gd grades n at least get e hmwk done on time.
5th: i wanna save money! hopefully can find jobs dat doesnt clash w my studies.
6th: buy smthgs for my granny. (she so old le, neva really receive from me except being filial to her)
7th: pls my body, let me do all these w/o breaking down.( went kicking futsal w my cousins, damn it, hurt my knee: cant straighten it le)
8th: dun let any1 leave me anymore. 2005 is enuf to leave me heartbroken 4 a long long long long time)
9th: to that sm1, juz forget it ba.

e 8th wish is smthg which i neva wanted to put down in words, cuz i took a long time to accept e cruel but true fact. experiencin e loss of sm1 close to me. it juz sux. u cant say it out, bt it juz tugs at ur heart, constantly n painfully. especially when u r alone or tired to e bones, e feeling juz gets stronger. its a feeling which takes time to master, to control until e pain subsides. there r side effects of cuz. e reluctance to befriend or get close to any1 le. cuz there is e fear of losing n reigniting e pain agn. i'm trying nt to be like this. all i can say is its a hard battle.

+++

2005-12-19T22:24:00.000+08:00

hmmm dunno wad to write 4 title..
was working last 2 days at parkway, sianx from morning to nite.. wa stand e whole day lor, n din promote much toys. kids wanna buy,parents dun wan..
hahah lucky beside my counter is e xmas 1.. hmmm gt to noe another fren.. help huishan sold 30 over xmas trees lor..sold out. cool! lucky gt her to pei me, ifnt i sure die there de.. e staff fr giant nt v friendly lar, bt we kinda get v wellamong all e promoters.. those aunties were dragging us to products.. haha ate vita Cs, tried on adidas shoes, look at shawls.. hahah so funny. bt there is this weird guy who came a total 5 times in these 2 days. 5! i tink we treat him too well le.. damn hs, purposely went toilet, hai me cant knock off,hafta handle that guy.. bt he bought quite a lot la, all those nt popular stuff.. haha help clear stock..
hmmm today everyone went vj for frenly.. we all so tired lor, was sleeping b4 it started.. in e end gt tok, bt it was much beta den kaixuan's match.. met my long-time-no-see-ex-capt, van.. haha.. so shuang..tml still gt match.. ar! help my hand!help my hw!

lost..

2005-12-17T00:43:00.000+08:00

tonight have match against kaixuan in sch.. right hand still hurts, so cant shoot very well. hafta put all e control on my left.. played six quarters w each lasting 12 mins.. so long lor.. haha 1st quart keep throwing e ball over e rim.. totally din touch lor, stunned! totally nt me..den aft 1st quart, they tell me its a size 6.. wa kao, sch cant afford to change fr 7 to 6. no wonder it felt so small n light.. haha 1st quart, score: kx alot, aj 2. hmmm they xiguan e ball le ma.. sianx.. we juz continued n tho we din get much in, at least we were toking n covering 4 each other.. den 5th quart.. tried to pick up a loose ball fr xiaohei.. pick hafway, one kaixuan de(look vaguely like peisee) juz run into me.. kao e impact, knee to my forehead, leg colliding straight into my already injured rite hand.. juz laid there n din move.. really see stars 4 a sec lor.. din noe wad was going on.. den sharp pain fr e hand.. tears omoz came out.. sat out e rest of e match.. final score: kx alot alot, aj 30 liddat ba.. arthur say tml bring me see sinseh! bt gt work, whew.. i'm saved.. go w him can die ar, tho he is nice lar.. okay still irritable.hmmm typing w left hand nw, tml my rite hand sure die de.. liddat hw to promote? sianx..

knowledge

2005-12-14T22:15:00.000+08:00

watch e amazing race this mornin.. really amazing.. haha cuz normally nt at hm at that time.. yupx linz family won! haha was cursing the bransen's all e way.. man r they close. e ending quite touching lar.. act dun really like e weavers de, bt gt 1 episode gt kart racing,den e mother chose to do it.she said its cuz her husband died in a car crush.. quite sad la.. e feeling of losing sm1 dear to u.. bt picking up n carrying on, i pei fu her.. its nt easy. den today, rolly oso said they tot they could win it 4 their father,since they took part for his sake.. haiz.. haha bt still, linz won! yay! slack e whole day, cant play ball, hafta let it heal, hopefully fri's frenly can play. lost my econs hmwk paper.. damn it..haiz hafta borrow le.n i gt a bruise on my palm! so weird! notice it while bathin.. no wonder they say ice injury is dangerous, pain bt no bruise.. it took 7days to surface.. idiot.

throughout e whole trip, learnt a very impt thg..maybe i slow la, nw then noe.. bt yupx.. its never too late lor.

-Parents can give us anything, but they choose to give us a proper education. why? cuz everything can be snatched away from you except knowlege-

words

2005-12-13T22:33:00.000+08:00

words
the power of men
to express themselves in every way they can
mind you, its can
but not wad we wan

sometimes, when we really have a strong feeling inside us
be it joy, sadness, bitterness
we just cant describe

perhaps, we have not found the way to do it yet
but ask ourselves, if it's really a feeling that can be described
can we feel it so much?

i'm afraid not, cuz it takes understanding
experiences of what the person has been through
before we can really understand what it's really all about

to those who are eager to help their friends but yet helpless
just be by the person's side
listen to him/her
you might not understand
but there is the comfort
he/she will feel it
you have no idea how much that helps

to the one in need of help
congrats to you if you find someone experiencing the same thing before
he/she will know how you feel
be patient if no one understands
in the end, you will find someone who will
but in the meantime,
don't blame those around you who don't understand
cos they tried but cant as they did not went through the same thing
appreciate them
draw strength from them
you will live better.

juz came back

2005-12-12T13:58:00.000+08:00

hmmm juz came back fr china this mornin.. haha damn suay. go there 1st thg gt into a car accident.. arggghhh.. damn pain.. luckily e car was nt fast. pulled tinaback bt in eend myself tio.. wa suay.. hurt my weak knee.. on crutches thru out e rest of e week.. sprain my last 2 fingers too.. hmmm but nt bad la, at least sit plane gt special treatment.. dun hafta wait.. hahah.. travelled alot lor..change hotel everyday.. fly fr sing to hk, hk to shenzhen, den to hainan island,den to taipei, back to hk, finally laz day back to sing.. can die.. so tiring.like running away fr loansharks liddat. went back to hometown.. they..er.. very re qing lar.. hugs n more hugs.. hello i dunno them at all? hahah bt they r nice.. went see e world beauty contest too.. dunno whether gt agelimit not, bt juz went.. cuz my godma's fren, a jeweller, sponsored 10k to e event.. hahah quite cool lar..gt e tickets.. they all look like human lar, din c any diff betw them n e stewardess.. maybe smiles wider, whole day 'i love china! they are so welcoming!i feel honoured to be here. i'm proud to come here. its such a lovely place' wth.. hahah.. den went play snow skiing.. sprain my fingers there.. jeez dunno hw to tell chichi.. she sure angry de.haiz n tmw gt frenly.. nvm.. tired le..
came back and saw daph's comments..

to daph:

1st fact
i'm injury-prone.
can send to museum under 'severely worn n torn body structure'

2nd fact
i'm straight
i dun like girls that way..
girls shdn too

3rd fact
i dun like to tok

4th fact
all my cousins r guys except 2

5th fact
i've gt a nanny n dats u..

sorry ar.. nt continuing.. hahha

stupid bushes

2005-11-30T23:22:00.000+08:00

early in morn had weird weird nitemares.. din feel v gd, so went out walk walk..felt much beta.. at least head clearer abit.. hmmm gt trg in e aftnoon. hmmm moment i reach there, sandy n huan ask me abt chichi n joei.. wa internal conflict la.. i neutral stand de lor, in e end, haix gt involved.. throughout e whole trg, chichi n huan din tok at all. sianx y liddat de.. was quite frustrated cuz din noe y muz hav such thgs..=( nwadays trg gt sec4s so like lotsa peepx.. 11! nt bad la.. n its getting tougher so its gd! bt today totally cannt perform usual standard, feel like din warm up enuf liddat, chao xing ku.. gt agitated hafway too, cuz da bu chu lai.. haix. nvm, juz a bad day.. kerina pulled her knee, so sat out.while saving e ball from e bushes, i step into a hole! guess wad? sprain my ankle.. din look too bad lehx, so carried on playing. den true enuf, strain hamstring.. damn it, nxt time muz stretch longer.. so i sat out too.. den kerina n i watch n discuss abt our injuries.. chao stupid.. was helping each other up e stairs aft trg.. den aft tt sec4s left including coach.. he can sense e tension in e team too la.. team as in we 5 j1s. we sat there den we started toking.. toking la, bt smhw it gt louder den only chichi n huan toking. me n joei juz sat there n listen.. kao wun touch on wad we say. bt chichi wu hui me oso angry w her, cuz i face black black today.. i blur diao la, huh?? gt mehz? hmmm maybe juz too tired n pekchek.. huan n sandy were there, jas nt involved.. she totally dunno de.. feel that huan juz try too hard to fufil her responsibilities. chichi may be blunt, bt she is true.. huan tries to tao hao 2 sides. nvm shadn interfere.. me n joei tinkin e same, so we chosent to chap.. haha was joking throughout the talk. haha bt nvm , juz glad its kinda solved.. chao tired. shadn tok le.. ciao..

walking n walkin

2005-11-30T00:05:00.000+08:00

woke up early in e morn.. 1st time lor.. decided to do sm holiday hmwk since dec no time at all, bt hse too quiet le.. hmmm in e end went mac n do.. from 10 plus lar.. den 1plus hazel came join me.. hahah she brought along a stupid ntu surveyor who chase her fr yck to yishun juz to get her particulars which hazel so fiercely protected.. din stay long lar, she left aft i help to persuade hazel give her email add.. dotz.. i do phy, she do chem,totally nt related, bt smhw, we help each other in sm ways.. weird.. bt moz of e time we were doodling on each other's paper or looking around, talking.. haha so nt very productive.. n she gt so much hmwk la..poor thg.. sud feel i chao slack.. hmmm dun worry, i can finish mine den i'll help u do urs.. haha.. left at around 6.. walk around northpt.. finish in 5 mins time la.. so sianx.. so i brought her to near my hse there walk walk..haha like tour guide liddat.. din let her go my hse, cuz its kinda messy w no 1 around..nxt time ba..she kept banging into thgs n obstructing others lar.. clumsy fellow.. not me k! lotsa pets shop lor.. can get her a job, bt she dun wanna do alone.. haix.. stayed there n played w e huge beethoven,parrot.. talk a while. hmmm since i leaving on e 4th, maybe she can help me take care of my fish! dun wan it to starve to death.. nvm, call her tml.. den went 4 dinner.. hmmm walk around more den send her off at e bus interchange.. hahah quite shuang to c a long time no see fren.. n she's my tudi smmre, jokes even lamer den mine.. not bad ba hahah.. bt nw, i'm exhausted.. walk so much lor.. legs ache like siao.. yupx so ciao!

frenz

2005-11-26T23:38:00.000+08:00

smthg i wrote at a spur of moment, dun bother reading if u dun wan to.

frenz..
cum n go as they like..
u cant control, u cant deny
e only thg u can do is cherish them when they cum
n say gdbye when they go..
regardless of whether it hurts deep inside u..
forever frenz, keep in touch..
sad to say, often it is nt true..
cuz we mite nt say even if we wish to tok..
frens r like ornaments in ur life..
they'll cum at different stages n different time..
to bright up e empty souls in ur life
sm may stay cuz they suit every stage
bt there r specialized ones who will needa go..
all that is left are memories..
memories which will bring a occasional smile to ur face..
memories that u mite nt even wanna face..
bt at least there is sm feelin that will hold
no matter if its bitter, sweet or cold..
so pls all my frens, cherish wad there is now
n live LIFE right to the end..

STUPID FLU JAB

2005-11-24T18:49:00.000+08:00

ah shit.. all e flu jab fault la... din really fall sick so seriously until e jab. nw gt fever, flu, cough n sore throat.. damn it.. hazel ssay my body di kang li muz be v weak, cuz cant even handle this virus.. n i'm nt recovering v well la.. skip trg yesterday, really cant make it.. HELP!!!! nvm, i hope i'm fine by tml.. this sun gt 3105 chalet.. dun tink i can go... work until 8 plus.. den by e time go there, i can help to pack up le.. haix...tong oso cant go, cuz she gt drama..haven ask qin, abi, linda n joyce yet.. n i'm suppose to tell kahhoe by ytd.. shit sorrie kahhoe.. lost my voice.. its coming back soon le.. hahah... tink can only msg le.. hmmm hazel say take cold shower can bring down fever, bt like worse le.. chichi ask me cook noodles den will perspire, den jiu hao le.. hmmm tink i try it ltr ba.. she say by tml cant bring down fever, jiu no trg 4 me! idiot! i muz bring it down tonite by hook or by crook! all alone at hm, quite kelian rite? haha no strength to nao gui.. tina came in e afternoon, cook porridge 4 me.. wa.. i zhang jiang da no one eva cook 4 me b4 de.. initially dun wan eat, cuz i dun wan her to wu hui.. bt in e end, too tired le, den kei came too..say is mj cook de.. so i ate... abit.. den vomit whole thg out.. hahah no strength le... ciao!

traitor..

2005-11-22T12:39:00.000+08:00

spent e whole morn playing ball in e rain.. was having fever n sore throat, bt i dun care.. damn angry w tina, needa fa xie.. i tot hazel explain to her her, den y she still liddat.. sianx de lehx, hate it when pple lie to me to catch my attention.. hello seriously, wad s e point of getting false concern? concern that originated fr my trust in ur lies.. if kei din tell me, maybe i'll be worrying abt ur so called problems.. tink abt it la.. i'm angry, bt more disppointed. nth u do will make our relationship go any further than frens de.. so pls, wake up! ya tmw had trg, seniors came back, xcept meow, peisee n ah bao.. haha layhoon trim her eyebrows la, becum so girly.. played 5 on 5.. wa din run v long, every1 so chuan.. we muz jiayou nxt yr! seniors, u rock! =)

heex..

2005-11-20T18:18:00.000+08:00

hey i gt nth to do now! yupx so i'm here.. haix tot i gt de, so din go for e treat by sandy. dotx wasted.. hmm niwae, was rotting these few days.. damn busy, rush here rush there, like marathon liddat.. hehe n i dunno e reason y.. hmm monsoon season nw, wanna go out oso scared rain. freak weather. fri's trg was okay. peisee they all also finish their A's le.. hahah except xj.. so i guess they will cum down 4 trg too.. den will hav lotsa pple.. was playing 3 on 3..den sud rain.. but when we gt to e shelter, stop raining. when we go out, rain agn.. wth la.. haha in e end juz train in e sud drizzle, sud rain kinda weather.. e weather dun like us ba. chichi's ear gt hurt too, haix e earring part. gt blood lor, tink hurts alot.. was deciding whether to remove e earring anot, in e end, too pain le, n its gross la, so din.. luckily i dun hav any holes in my ear! muaha tink its disgusting.. =S bt gt ear infection, damn painful.. only can hear buzzing sound in 1 of e ears.. poor ear.=( nvm, was at mj's hse ytd nite w kei, tina, sf n takeshi.. they playing truth or dare la, damn stupid.. so din play..they surely ask me weird weird qns de! n their dare, let's put it this way, we can forget abt it.. hahah.. den smthg crop up, so left w kei n tina..nxt time muz find smthg more fun to play.. hmmm i go find nw.. or any1 any suggestions can tell me.. yupx ciao!

still sick!

2005-11-16T21:08:00.000+08:00

clarified sm thgs w tina, in e end tio scolded by her den she hung up on me.. wth.. i stun v long k.. bt luckily gt hazel, she kinda help me bai ping.. thx so much! =) damn it, i'm still sick lehx.. took temp last nite, 39.1 degrees.. nt v high rite? dunno wads wrong too.. but fr ytd till nw, i took 10 panadols le.. muahaha i shd be e spokesperson for them. =) bt niwae, morn felt alot beta le.. den went out to orchard... walk n hafta attend lessons until 3.. sianx my trg start at 3 too! wad to do... in e end, i chiong all e way fr orchard to yck in 35 mins' time! haha record time k! chichi say i no nid do e 10 rounds le, cuz i was running den dripping sweat smmore.. hahah yay! bt train hafway, den like gonna rain le.. so we were there praying n singing.. rain rain go away.. hahah w e team, confirm do stupid thgs de.. tink we sing too nan ting, cuz it rained immediately.. hahah.. so stop lor, bt e rain keep going on lar, cant walk out of sch.. dotz.. finally, chichi, joei, limin n me did a brave thg. we decided to run out w a towel on our head.. haha run hafway way chichi's slippers went off.. hahah damn funny lar, so dui lian.. she was there wait! wait! hahahah. cuz rain v heavy ma, towels oso no use.. so, yupx dun run.. we walk in e rain! yay i love doing that! was squeezing all e water out from e towels aft that lar.. really a good shower.. n fun too! bt gt into e train jiu chao len le.. hehe.. stupid.. hmmm e fever came back agn! idiot! k le, dun wan tok le, oh ya, nic is same klas w me too... saw him today.. hahah ciao!

babies!!!!!!!!

2005-11-13T22:31:00.000+08:00

ytd was a slacking day.. slept till 2 in e afternoon.. cuz friday trg.. den stay up n quarrel w tina till v late. was partly my fault la, bt she shdn lie to me ma! idiot! den was like a block of wood until hazel called me.. hahah spot check agn. tok to her 4 a while jiu went out le.. hmmm frankly i neva listened to anyone de. so y am i listening to tina? cuz hazel ask me to.. n i was too tired to cum up w excuses to not listen.. den it was supposed to be 4 my own gd.. k lor, hazel wun hai me de.. listen lor.. =) hmmm went to cine w mj , kei.. walk around den they hungry so ate at cartel.. wa i lost e bet so hafta treat la.. they ren xiao xiao, bt really eat alot k! den they wan go heeren.. i dun wan, so went specialist centre.. hmmm saw a place call tumble tots den gt lotsa babies in prams outside.. wa so cute la! they all waiting to go in.. n they gt their parents w them who look even more excited.. so xie mu them.. wonder if my parents were liddat once.. nvm, niwae, gt like obstacle race inside la.. haha so funny..e moment they enter, they sat on mats den dance to e music.. guess wad? i saw my tong lei! xiao datou! wa damn cute! hahah was laughing all e way.. realise as we grow older, we evolve fr innocent n carefree ones like them to adults who will be bothered by all kinds of probs constantly.. haix.. bt we gt previlege! can c them so happy.. den we will be happy too.. hmmm.. den meet them agn n we go walk walk.. bt sud forget.. its my ma's bday! shit! so chiong hm bt too late, she went msia le.. haix was so disappointed.. nvm hope she's happy there.. yupx.. ciao!

Tired

2005-11-11T22:15:00.000+08:00

argh today long day ah.. hmmm woke up around 10 plus.. had brunch w mj, kei, sk, pf and takeshi.. ordered alot of food.. den nt enuf.. so went order smmore, bt i saw a small cockroach.. damn it so unhygenic.. jiu forget it le.. den went for flu vaccine.. kao they like no experience.. keep telling me not to worry when i din even do anythg.. she keep looking at me, den when needle went in, aiya! wrong vein.. dotz... wa can die la.. chiong n meet joei n chichi go ps buy prez 4 e j2s.. haha damn funny, dunno wad to choose.. in e end, spent lotsa $, bt e prez was cute! den gt headache, smhw joei gt it too.. hahah din noe headache oso can spread de.. hmmm bt thru out, whole body v limp den feel like sleeping.. chichi they all were like, ren zhu! cheng zhe! hahah wth.. aft tt went back sch 4 trg! sianx only gt 4 peepx.. me, chichi, joei and sarah.. PT!! wa 1st time i so tired, feel like whole body nt mine liddat.. coach say cuz of e vaccines.. n e sun was big! nope neva small b4, there r no clouds! in e end, chao ta la. black agn.. zai ze yang sai xia qu, bu si cai guai.. ciao

unfeeling, insentive

2005-11-09T22:51:00.000+08:00

damn it, juz read huimin's blog.. wa i seriously din mean wad she was saying lar.. haiz y am i owayz so insensitive de.. kkaz to huimin.. hey serious, its nt we r gd speakers.. juz tt these 3 days i really no time.. hafta work.. haiz i hope u understand.. sorry if i din consider ur gan shou.. bt if u really feel u nid it, u hafta tell me.. den i'll arrange or skip a day of job. cuz i ask alvin they all, they say no nid.. bt if u nid, i hav e final say.. i can insist.. if u dun tell me, it'll probably be too late b4 i realize like nw.. wad the fuck.. y am i owayz so unfeeling, so insentive.. haiz n y am i explaining.. forget it..
to everyone, u all hafta tell me if u hav any displeasures w me, cuz damn it, try as hard as i might, i cant seem to notice.. so u all hafta tell me..
to huimin, i'm sorry. n i dun mean it.. really. i needa prepare too.. like nw.. cuz time does not give me the comfort to slp even if i'm severely lacking of it.. wadeva.

i regret

2005-11-09T21:41:00.000+08:00

hey ct, its interesting.. bt i regret, cuz i feel i did nt do anythg 4 her.. she left for US 6 mths b4 she passed away.. all i gt was a letter aft she was gone.. i hate her, blame her, bt deep down, i hated myself.. for nt doing all that i can.. nope i din cry, cuz there r no tears, only a v sharp pain that is omoz tearing ur heart into 2.. she brought me back when i was down, bt yet i cant do e same 4 her.. or least let her spend e 6 mths less painfully.. till nw, i haven forgiven myself.. nt in e future too.. e kid is crying in her heart where no one sees n forcing herself to be happy everyday..that hurts.. wadeva..

hot!

2005-11-08T20:39:00.000+08:00

damn it lar.. today went ate brunch w kei they all. actually is me play joke on mj de. haha swap e sugar container w salt.. den she put alot of e 'sugar' la. i noe she likes sweet thgs.. den e moment she drink, we all laugh le, cuz she gt this damn stupid expression.. hey all this going well k! who noes kei play it on me too lar.. we all ordered noodles.. i can take spicy thgs lar, bt nt too spicy.. hahah so ordered sm chili de only. was in a gd mood ma, so no nid too spicy.. bt e noodles came tt time i was answering a call.. hmmm cum back was wonderin why e noodles so red red de..they say its liddat 1.. n they look so serious lar.. so i unsuspecting ate it.. wa kao, 1st month n i omoz died. damn spicy lar! they add small chilis, pepper, salt, n lotsa samba.. kao.. hw stupid can i get.. hmph! thx man, u all beta watch out nxt time! nxt time i'll check n ask u all eat 1st de.
hmmm all along, i've neva 1day felt nt sad de.. juz felt tt there's nth left in e world i can look forward to.. y do i feel this way? i dunno. promise hazel i'll be strong, happy n positive. so y am i not? cos i'm nt ready to let go? or izit juz too hard? dealing w loss of close ones has owayz been e thg i cant deal w. i carn forget, i carn tink, carn analyse.. wth.. she promised, bt yet she did nt have enuf time to fulfil it.. i blame her, even to e extent of hating her.. but yet i carn let go.. is she juz an excuse for wadeva i'm doing? dat's selfish den. dat means she's only a tool. bt y do i feel so sad, so lost, so ready to juz give up at e thought of her nt being around anymore? y do tears still form in my eyes? y do i cringe when sm1 mentions her? if this is e case, i wud rather she's juz a tool to me. at least i wud nt feel so despondent nw.. at least i'm nt hurt.. but in e end, life is worth it to have sm1 holding such a dear place in my heart. sm 1 who can let me experience fear, pain, joy, emptiness. anger, bitterness in my life.. juz like bball.. my goal, my passion, my life...i carn let go, n neva will i be able to. it cause me to nt wanna be close to any1 agn, cuz i dun wanna be hurt 1 more time..my only fear is to hold on to smthg n losing it in e end.. it suck..to all those who tinks this is a lesbian relationship, dats cuz u neva experience it b4.. i feel 4 u instead..

wa.. so tiring!

2005-11-07T21:16:00.000+08:00

hmmm after days of having my life turned upside down, i'm finally back. so sian. when i'm awake, its nite. when i'm sleepin, u can juz see e big sun shining. finally free le. hmmm ytd nite, omoz did smthg tt i'll regret, luckily was msging to hazel.. den tok to her till 3 in e morn. haha. surprisingly din feel tired. hang up le, oso carn slp. gt thgs on my mind, so kept turnin n tossin. until 5 den slp.this morn woke up at 6 plus to chiong e bball minutes. its damn stupid lar, dunno wad was arthur tinking. finish le jiu go play ball. cum back bathe den chiong 4 trg agn. hahah stupid huan ask me buy 100 plus. hai me run around e whole khatib juz to find one. n i was getting late! in e end, decided board train. saw chichi lar, so qiao! den we alight yck, den saw joei at e traffic light. walk into sch saw huan running towards us. muahah toking abt late lar. today trg okay, bt e sun damn hot. sunburn agn.. sian..sm undesirable thgs happen twds e end which gt chichi n me so agitated. dun say le.. hmm at nite still wanna play ball de, bt tina came n guai dai me. say wad i carn play anymore today lar. like guan jia po liddat. hmmm den take my hp dunno msg who agn.. so secretive.. haha n i'm gonna find out ltr! going to bathe le. ciao!

sick agn..

2005-11-04T20:35:00.000+08:00

hmmm i protest! y do i get sick all e time! hahah today op dry run 4 e laz time le.. gonna really miss all e stupid thgs we done in klas lo.. hahah i'm sure we all know exactly wad each other is gonna tok abt le.. tong's small thgs bring abt big change.. kc's flexibility in wadeva.. ct's zero ant.. sh's fussfree plant.. marianne's picture of dolled up animals..paiseh dats all that i catch today.. except tong's one.. i heard it 5 times le!haha.. bt today's op nt bad lar.. juz tt gt abit of sore throat, running a temp, n kept coughing.. i still carn look at peepx in e eyes! idiot! i must i must! jiayou!
aft tt went with tong to change her clothes at ps.. slept on e train all e way.. damn tired.. hahah n we mistaken B2 as B1.. walk in circles. finally found it le. e attitude of e staff there nt v gd la, bt wa, tong's 1 was worse lar. she was so fierce.. tot she bad mood or smthg. bt aft we walk out, she was smiling agn.. so confusing.. say wad muz fierce den e staff will scared den will change.. hahah her theory.. bt all my frens who i shop w oso liddat de.. hmmm shopper's theory den.
tok train back myself.. saw this digusting guy who blew his nose so loudly.. e worse thg is he examine le den wipe his mucus on his shirt lar.. yucks! lucky tong decide to save $, din eat lunch, if not i sure puke de.. hahah bt i pity e lady sittin beside him.. she was so pale n stiff.. haha like scared e guy accidentally touch her liddat.. in e end, i pass a whole packet of tissue to him jiu alight le. she muz be so grateful to me.. hahaha i save ur life k! feel so weida.
hmmm damn tired, went 4 checkup, results haix haix haix.. dun ask.. sign off le.. ciao!

op

2005-11-02T22:36:00.000+08:00

today gt op in e morn agn! at 8 la, n we r e last gp. sianx. ask guru whether we can cum later, he gave a buay song ans, say nt fair to others. bt he still let e 1st 3 gps leave 1st wad. idiot! hahah bt nvm la. still gt marianne, qicai, kc, sh n kh. hahah so nt bad. today is e best my gp ever presented. yay! bt aft my presentation, feel like vomitting le. totally dunno wad i was toking abt. felt so sick. den op drag chao long, no time to eat lunch, chiong trg str8 away. lucky ct give me a lollipop! thx ct! hahah my last hope 4 energy. e weather so hot la. gt roasted. heex bt red red de quite nice le. like sm red indian liddat. trg still quite slack lehx, bt whole body aching le. maybe only physically tired ba. haha. trying to psyco myself. hope to be strong enuf 4 vj nxt yr. tt is our goal, smthg tt kips me going. i wanna beat them. tho they chao strong la. hahah but muz have hope, have dreams, den will go far ma.tok to hazel juz nw. wa her sis damn cute la, juz abit loud. kip shouting into e phone. feel her family so xing fu, like gt laughter n so cute a sis. company ma, who dun wan. maybe me ba. haha. bt she happy, i happy le. =)

i'm fine le..

2005-11-01T16:36:00.000+08:00

to all those pple whom i blew my temper to and all those remarks on my blog, yupx, i'm fine le. sorry ah, bt really irritated that day ba. juz dun like to be distracted when its smthg i regard as serious.
to daph, paiseh ah, din tell u. hahah nvm, thx ct, for telling her.
this two days damn sian lar, no one at hm at all. my family went malaysia le. wa so free ah.. bt aft sm time, will get bored and feel v sorry 4 myself. wads more, my belly button pain. diarrhoea 4 days le. haha like die at hm oso no one noe liddat. sick le, den no one care like chao sad rite? haix. hmmm maybe hafta endure one more day ba. bt at nite is e worse la, carn ask anyone out, so late le. so hafta nao gui myself. hmph! i will fight w them de! everyday watch tv n videos till 4am or go out walk aimlessly. like day n nite all reverse le. hahah quite shuang lar.
had trg ytd. chichi sick le. heard she continuous high fever 4 two days le. suspect dengue. joei oso cough n face white white. pple muz tc ah, muz get well soon! =) we muz jiayou 4 nxt yr!

damn it

2005-10-28T20:28:00.000+08:00

forget abt reading this entry. juz wad e hell was going on. if this is wad we call unity, hey man, juz stay away.. wads e meanin of laughing at sm1's inability? encouragement? ever wonder hw e person feels? i'm nt siding my gp members, bt hw wud u feel when all ur effort is not appreciated? where is e minimum respect? damn it la.. i'm proud of my gp, so wad if junhan has a weird gesture? do we nid to bring it up all e time? juz put ourselves in his shoes.. u tink its a nice feelin? u tink he did it on purpose? if any1 did nt see his hard work, if any1 did nt see hw he went to e toilet mirror n trying his best to correct it, if any1 did nt see hw serious he wans e op to turn out well, if any1 did nt see hw anxious my gp wans to do well, i saw it, my gp saw it. so if u are not appreciative, at least dun be sarcastic. i'm nt angry w hw e q n a turn out, if its really our fault in nt listening. bt hey, hw wud u feel trying to concentrate n there are hands sticking out all over guru? u may be able to do it, bt i'm sorry i carn. sorry to my gp 4 blowing my temper, cuz i relly feel we r trying our best. at least, we r bonding. sorry to my bball teammates 4 showing my displeasure n e tears that i shdn show. wad the hell..

slacking.......

2005-10-27T19:39:00.000+08:00

long day ah.. sianx y this whole wk so long de? hmmm lessons as usual in e morn. chinthin n me went library to find e rest. borrowed c&h. hahah its nice lor. gt alot of meaning inside. sat at e couch read a while den tired le lor. den smhw we juz both fell asleep. haha n who say sleeping is nt contagious? aft sch hav op agn. quite slack lehx. xq tt gp nt bad lor, they look so pro. bt joyce tt gp. haix all i can say is jiayou ba. joyce take care too.
hidden msg agn. actually i feel pretty alrite today lar. nt too happy, bt nt v v sad. juz my typical moody self. dun wan liddat de, bt if i'm myself, i guess i'm owayz on e slightly depressed side ba. went into depression b4. tt feeling how to say, juz feel comforted n safe when u r in tt state ba. dun wish to step out of e small zone, juz wana be alone. like no frenx oso nvm de. cuz i tian sheng like to be alone. like to be free. bt yet, i wan pple to care 4 me. alot of thgs even if i noe need others help, i oso will cheng qiang myself de. cuz alot thgs happen n force me to grow up, to learn n accept thgs e hard way. i dun let thgs go easily, bt on e outside, i can act like it is juz another's day business. haha quite xing ku la, bt wo xi guan le.

lotsa thgs on my mind

2005-10-26T20:39:00.000+08:00

today was ne day. frankly lar, e program juz sux. went to alot of wrong places today, den e learning journey was like so boring lar. totally juz listening to an old guy toking. pity him bt pls lar, we dun cum to hear u repeat n repeat. even resorted to singing songs which did not work, coz hafway dunno wad to sing le. hahah so stupid. e last stop was temple which i'm quite afraid of. dunno why bt my heart will beat twice as fast n juz feel weird. hmmm.. ms lee was angry w e guys tho, cuz they went eating n return to e bus on their own. haha oops.. poor me n my partner of e day, tong. hahah we hafta endure sm tough times in e bus. hahah. den aft tt go back sch hav talk w mr sng first. abt racism. hahah damn funny la. den gt s'cube talk. quite interesting lehx. e videos n stuff. all this finish le still gt to talk w alex lee regardin xcountry. damn messy la, n he was so S-L-O-W..was feeling real sad aft e learning journey.

this part hope no one sees. most imptly i dun wan xueqin to see. heard xq say she perhaps going poly or smthg. retainin is 1 of e last few choices. hmmm i shd be happy 4 her rite? bt yet, i'm really sad. dun ask me y. i say finish le i'll be fine agn de. during e 1st 3 mths, xq, daph n me were absent rite on e first day. we din even noe each other la, bt yet, hey we did it tgt! hit it off since den. it was a special friendship, 1 i cherish alot tho i dun say. den daph left 4 overseas. was sad bt nt this sad cuz gt xq. it owayz feels beta to hav sm1 feeling e same way as u. nw, xq may be leaving too. haiz left me alone. nt say dun hav other frenz la, bt wheneva i'm sad, in sch owayz gt xq to joke w me ma. to do stupid thgs tgt. really carn imagine wad it would be like w/o her. i noe i shd be happy 4 her, cuz she's strong aft so much. bt juz let me be sad 4 while ba. i noe its childish bt i hate to see her leave. at least nw i say le, i can be happy in front of her. dun wan her to c me liddat. yupx i'll be fine de! we'll meet agn de, e 3 of us! haha.

rain down my head

2005-10-25T20:54:00.000+08:00

haiz today a long day. juz reach hm only. gt op this morning. drag so long bt e dry run was nt bad larz. beginning to like this group le. haha took me so long. one more mth sayonara agn. after op hafta c alex lee w kh. sian suan bball agn. y r bballers stereotyped as slackers, act cool n attitude pple? stupid. den rain so heavily. kh n i share a umbrella to e station. hah bt oso no use. both still gt drenched. dotz..bt i like rain! like can wash away al ur troubles temporarily. let u have time to take a breather b4 u bury urself in al those dust agn. esp bt if u walk alone in rain, u'll def feel extremely sad de. dun believe, try la.it hurts to be alone, no one to turn to, no shoulder to lie on. bt nvm, i'm strong! hahah. reach hm sm time le still hafta chiong back sch 4 bball. joei sick n chichi ear infection. haiz tc ba. sm stupid thgs happen aft trg. y carn she let go? really dun understand sm pple. y carn they learn hw to fang shou. smtimes take thgs easily will save u fr alot of troubles de lor. so to her, pls wake up ba! i dun wanna say anymore le. tired. ciao. zzzzzzzzz.....

high fever

2005-10-24T21:28:00.000+08:00

haiz whole klas went c larry lee. spent a long time lookin 4 him. turn out he in e staff rm. he din exactly scold us la, but the way he say it make me feel quite guilty lor. heard marianne say he leaving at e end of this yr. he quite nice lar. hmmm bt he wasted alot of time. hai sm pple carn do pw. yt look damn pissed lehx. hmmm. dunno la. running a stupid temp. 38 degree. sian. nw no mood to do anythg le. juz nw still okay, nw tired agn. tink i'm getting old. hey tt means i'm maturing! yay! hahah.

tired!

2005-10-24T16:25:00.000+08:00

wa sian damn tired la.. hmmm tok to hazel from ytd nite to this morning 3! argh all cuz of the stupid pw, i din get any sleep den hafta go school le.. sniff sad. haha BUT only attended maths den went nexus. xq, cw, kc and me take photos like mad la. din lotsa stupid thgs. cw so funny! was so happy. hahah. den played bridge. its a nice game k!!! dunno y e school dun allow. damn it. hahah den very tired, nth to do so slp lo. so shuang. slept all e way to 1 la!!! muahaha. hmmm den begin the torture! pw! argh!! hey but guru say nt bad lo! heex so tmw dry run shd be okay. yup nw slacking. cuz juz nw pon gp den ltr larry lee sure scold de. yupx gonna go back le. i muz jiayou! ciao!

life is unpredictable

2005-10-23T21:46:00.000+08:00

alot thgs happen lately. i dunno wad to say first. the moz impt de ba. xq din make it. it muz be v hard on her, i dun even noe wad to say to her. saw ms lee blog. she even comforted us. feel like crying le. sianx i hate such thgs. grand's condition nt v well oso. gt blood in her urine. doc say inside grow smthg maybe. she insist dun wan go specialist. doc oso din force. say at this age le.. haiz there's so many other thgs. i muz zhenzuo! wun let all these get me down. fate hasn won yet, cuz i can still do smthg. juz u wait.

my second blog

2005-10-14T20:36:00.000+08:00

hi there... hmmm my second blog le.. sian. writing again cuz there's no one who can understand if i say. besides, she left le. so yupx i'm writin agn! =) haiz sian. nth much happen today. pon sch cuz its the op lecture thgy. hafta settle some thgs too. muahaha so song! but afternoon hafta go trg. the rest of the team pang seh me on wed lor. was damn pissed. now okay le, i forget v easily. nxt time dun liddat le! the report is out. results disapointing. dun ask. sign off le. ciao!